Phases of... What We call "Life"

A very recent visit to the various shopping Markets in Delhi triggered quite an unusual line of thoughts, which I shall present before you now! If the caption wasn’t explained well by the previous sentence, let me tell you. “We” here, refers to the breed of people called women/girls (and all the others who belong to the genre called Female) Rest of the caption, am sure makes sense now!

No, I will not try to answer why women love to shop? Or What women love to shop? I shall “enlighten” you with the phases that occur when women do the “thing” they love- Shop!

Phase 1 : The “Nah! Not-so-Good” Phase

This is the very first phase, which begins right from the first shop they barge into and although carries on till the last shop, it is most active till they cover one-fourth of the market.

General Characteristics- One after another clothes/accessories/foot wears are picked up from the shelves and are piled on to the display table, the same sentence is ranted out while looking at each of them ie “Nah! Not-so-good”. However, what is in their mind is usually. ”hell! I wish I could have just this pair of footwear! Just this one, and nothing else!” But, considering they have the whole market to check out, the tongue usually takes better of the mind!

Related- This phase can also be related to that phase of life of women when they are actually girls and have many options to choose from amongst the Male fraternity. High on self-obsession, women go about rejecting each man that comes their way, only in the hope of finding the “Perfect Fit”. But, does it ever happen? We shall see!

Phase 2 : The bargain Phase

This phase generally starts when a few shops have been conquered and the shopkeepers massacred. Although the phase lasts till the last shop, it is enjoyable only till another one-fourth of the shops.

General Characteristics – This is the most exciting phase, and somehow I have a personal liking for it. Observe a woman going through this phase and you’ll know why! Anyway, so the phase is characterized by a “dialogue” between the shopper and the shopkeeper which starts with a whisper “Too expensive” and ends in a whisper “Nahi Lena toh aage Jaao Na”. But, during the course of the dialogue, you get to hear a variety of words, phases (common ones and not-so-uncommon ones) and ofcourse voices of various pitches and frequencies! What’s more, you get to witness this with each cloth/footwear/accessory that they pick at each store!

Related – This is the phase when women know they need someone to take care of their expenses but will not settle for anything (anyone) that is not “worth the price” (read effort, time and “love”)

Phase 3 – The Food Phase

Now that half the market has been invaded and conquered, this phase starts and although carries on till the end, it is a comparatively short lived phase. You do see women with “American” Corn, Indian Corn, Lays/Unclechips etc after this phase is almost over.

General Characteristics – It is a short lived phase, owing to the hazard of weight-gain that it offers. However, tables turn here when women see Pani Puri and all the other variety of chat, wherein they are willing to pay more(on condition that you keep refilling their plates!) This is like a rejuvenation phase wherein women feel the need to re-gain their lost energy in the earlier phase. Hence, clothes/footwear/accessories take a back seat during this.

Related – This phase cannot be unfortunately related to our earlier analogy as a thought as dismal as taking a break from men doesn’t cross the minds of many!

Phase 4 – The 36-24-36 Phase

This phase begins when half the market is conquered and carries on till one-fourth of the shops are left!

General Characteristics- Women going through this phase are seen asking shopkeepers to get them clothes of the “not-so perfect size”. While the shopkeeper is away looking for the required size, women quickly pick up the size that would actually fit them and rush to the trial room to perform the lengthy ritual of changing their clothes and posing in front of all the different mirrors present in the tiny room. The tiny room actually has the capacity to hold the one who is trying out the clothes and her faithful companion, suggesting her! This is where actual shopping takes place. They do manage to at least buy a pair or two of earrings!

Related – By now, I am too tired of explaining the analogy, so please figure it out yourself!

Phase 5 – The Introspection Phase

This is the last phase which marks the end of the long and fruitful journey of the woman!

General Characteristics- By now, the woman doesn’t even need to enter the shops. One look at the exterior is enough to make her either proud of her decision to shop at a previous shop or infuriate her at that fool of a shopkeeper who sold her something that was available at another shop! Her fury can be devastating if it’s available cheaper than what she paid for it! But, she would still enter that shop and bargain for the article that she has already purchased. Need I say, Why!

Related – This is the phase when she either finally settles with one man who pleases her ego, compliments her and crosses the thin line between being a man or a pet. Or, she gives out a sad sigh as she looks at her girlfriends hooked on to all the wrong men, while she still hopes for another shopping spree!

PS- Women don’t shop for clothes with their heart. For, that is reserved for men! ;)